It’s been years since the last wave. Years since the screaming and the suffering stopped. But knowing how this works and how this has worked for the past decade it’s never going to stop. Well at least that is what I think. Many have died… at first the strong survived and the weak died, but through time everyone, scrawny or vigorous passed. And there wasn’t anything to do about it. This pandemic does not discriminate. For the first few years my family and I survived, it was all alright. We moved around alot. Not staying in a place for too long allowed for freedom. But a couple years back, with the last wave, that last dreadful wave they found peace and returned to nature. And well I was left by myself. It makes me mad sometimes. Why should a 17 year old girl who didn’t even make it through middle school have to fight for her life, with no help. Because you can’t trust anyone… that’s at least what my dad would say. “Don’t trust anyone, Lily. Only you can protect yourself”. I roll my eyes everytime I think about it, but I can’t remember his voice anymore. It’s all I have of him. Just a stupid saying I live by now. 

I’m getting ready to roll out, I’ve been here too long and it’s raining outside which means no one is going to follow me and I won’t leave a trail behind. I’m not paranoid, I’m just careful. It’s not like I have muscle in me to fight anyone. This place was eary, it was an old mall. All the windows have been broken inwards, and the only thing I can hear is the echo of the rain water dripping from the cracked infiltrated ceiling into the muddy dirty floor. I start packing my things when I hear more than just water dripping. I shove everything into my bag and hide behind a red Mcdonalds poster, hoping what it is wont see me. I hide and wait. “This place is eary, why are we here exactly?”, one thin high pitched voice says. That’s 1, I count. “Well it’s the only place where the roof isn’t falling apart, unless you want to sit in the cold rain for hours”, says the other voice, though this one is deeper and more aggressive. That’s two. “It’ll pass soon, just stay quiet and try and go find anything we can use for when we get out of here”, says the last and final voice. This one much louder, more affirmative than the others, though definitely a girl. That’s three. 

I need to leave. They cannot see me, I cannot fight three people all at once. Stay low Lily, remember to always stay low. I start to move away from the big Mcdonalds board, I take small steps backwards when I step on a broken piece of glass. I glanced at them, no one heard. I begin moving, being more aware of the shards of glass on the floor, but the floor is wet and muddy making it visibly impossible to be able to see them all. I step on another. I duck immediately because this time I know they heard. “What was that”, says the third voice. “I don’t know, just go look”, says the first voice. I dont give them time to find me, I duck and run. Find the first exit door and make it towards the woods. 

I run, just run. I have no time to look behind, no time to see my shadows. If there were any there to begin with. It felt like I had been running for hours. Water dripping down my face, I almost can’t see. The smell of rain and mud seeps my nose. I stop after what feels like ages. But I think I’m okay now. I sit on the stump of a big tree. It looks old, thousands of years maybe, regardless I just sit and wait. The rain is coming down harder than ever but I have nowhere else to go. I’m just in the middle of the forest and It’s better if I don’t wander. Nature is your friend until you disturb, so as long as I sit here I think I’m okay. I think I wait too long because I wake up to the sound of a new day. The sound of animal calls fill the forest ranging from birds to insects and I just sit there and take it in for a second, until I know I have to get moving. Moments of peace are rare now but I can’t fall behind. I begin to move, this time I walk. I strut alongside a stream, I look at my reflection. It’s no longer that little girl holding her dad’s hand in the dark, but rather someone I can’t quite recognize.  I sit on the side of the stream, put my feet in and just glance at my reflection. I needed a break anyway. A couple minutes passed and I heard something. The same three voices back at my last location. This time I gather my things to hide behind a small yet wide tree. I just need to see who these people are. They come into my eye range when I recognize someone. Tall, skinny, blonde haired and blue eyed boy. It can’t be. I haven’t seen anyone familiar in years. I think I stare for too long forgetting I’m actually hiding from them because they spot me. I grab my things and run as fast as I can. I might know him but “You can’t trust anyone, only you can protect yourself”, repeated in my head. But they saw me and they chased after me, calling out words like “stop” or “wait”, but I did the exact opposite. But they caught up to me. Pull me by my shoulder and grab both my hands behind my back. 

“Let go”, I say. But they don’t. “Ethan let go”, I demand this time. This time the name catches his attention, like he almost recognizes me but not quite yet. I guess I’m that easy to forget. “Lily?”, he says in a soft, yet confused voice. “Yeah now just let me go”, I say as I shrug their mud-covered hands off of me . “What are you- What, there’s no way”, he says. The two others look confused, I mean I would be too if I were them, but I have no time for this. “Yeah, yeah it’s me Lily. I would say great to see you but I have to go”, I say. “Oh come on, it’s been ages. Guys this is Lily”, he says to his friends ,  “This is Maddie and Caden”. I look at them for a second, “Ok well I gotta go, I have no time for this honestly”, I say as I begin to walk away. But he follows, but just him the others wait. “Lily”, he says. “What, Ethan? I’m not staying. Yes it’s great to see you, but I can’t stay with you and… and your friends, not after the last time, not after what happened to my parents”, I say in an aggressive tone, stepping away from him. “Lily, come on, that was years ago. Can we just move past it”, he says, stepping closer. “No, we can’t! You made your choice, we needed you. I needed you and you left. So stay where you are because the only way I’m surviving this is by myself”, I say with a sharp tone, my voice cracks. But I leave, I turn and don’t look back, just as he did 3 years ago when he made his choice. My chest is heavy, he’s familiar. My family loved him. He was with us for years when all of this started. But he left when things got bad… well when my parents got sick and left me behind to figure it all out. So that’s what I did, I figured it all out without him or anyone for that matter. So I will forever hold what my father said “You can’t trust anyone, only you protect yourself”, until the day I return to the soil, and atlast meet them again.