At first, everything seemed idyllic – endless compliments, playful conversations, and a meticulously curated playlist featuring nostalgic tunes. 

However, what started as a whirlwind of affection soon turned cold. The once-constant messages became infrequent, and the warmth that initially drew her in vanished abruptly. The realization hit hard: the seemingly special playlist was actually a standard tactic, sent to multiple women, revealing a pattern of deceit. In the age of social media and viral stories, such manipulative behaviour has gained notoriety as “love bombing”. 

This term gained prominence through the viral case of “West Elm Caleb”, a 25-year-old furniture designer from Brooklyn. Caleb’s behaviour – lavishing women with attention and affection, only to disappear suddenly – brought the term into mainstream conversation, shedding light on the darker side of modern dating and manipulative tactics such as ghosting and breadcrumbing. In the realm of human interactions, the most potent form of manipulation is not overt aggression but the subtle art of making someone feel valued only to strip that away when they are most vulnerable. 

Love bombing should be seen in that context. It is not a new phenomenon but rather a term with roots in cult practices from the 1970s. Cult leaders, particularly those from the Unification Church led by Sun Myung Moon, employed this tactic to break down psychological barriers in new recruits. By overwhelming them with affection and praise, they made recruits more vulnerable to control and manipulation. This tactic is still employed by some so-called spiritual groups today, albeit in a modified form. 

The same tactic has since been adapted to romantic relationships, where it is used to describe a manipulative strategy involving intense affection followed by withdrawal to gain emotional control. US-based psychologists like Leanna Stockard and Chitra Raghavan provide insights into the manipulative nature of love bombing. Stockard, a marriage and family therapist, explains that manipulators use excessive affection and attention to create a façade of love, making the new partner lower their defenses and trust them. 

Once the manipulator feels they have secured the partner’s commitment, they often withdraw their affection, leaving the partner confused and questioning their own actions. Chitra Raghavan, a professor of psychology, adds that love bombing is about creating a false environment where the manipulator appears to be the perfect partner. The initial grand gestures and constant contact are not genuine but rather strategic moves to establish control over the partner’s emotions and perceptions. 

This behaviour is calculated to keep the partner in a state of dependence, seeking to regain the affection that has been withdrawn. Recognizing the signs of love bombing is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. Key red flags include excessive early affection, where the love bomber showers their partner with compliments and praise very early on, even before genuinely knowing them. 

Over-the-top gestures, such as lavish gifts, expensive dates, and intense declarations of love, can create a sense of obligation and emotional investment. Another indicator is premature discussions about the future, like moving in together or marriage, which are used to build a false sense of security and commitment. 

Additionally, the love bomber may demand excessive time and attention, making their partner feel guilty for seeking personal time or spending time with others. If someone suspects they are being love bombed, it is crucial to set boundaries and recognize when the relationship is progressing too quickly. Listening to trusted friends, who may notice unhealthy patterns before the person involved does, can also be beneficial. Addressing sudden changes in a partner’s behaviour – such as a shift from overwhelming affection to withdrawal – is vital to preventing emotional manipulation and maintaining a balanced relationship. 

Although love bombing is not widely publicized in India, similar stories have emerged on social media platforms. Indian reality TV shows such as MTV Splitsvilla and Bigg Boss often depict relationships that initially appear glamorous but may later reveal manipulative dynamics. These portrayals, while entertaining, underscore the importance of understanding and recognizing unhealthy relationship patterns. The use of extreme language to describe everyday experiences reflects a broader shift in how we discuss relationships and emotional experiences. 

Terms like “love bombing” and “gaslighting,” which originally described severe forms of manipulation and abuse, have become part of common conversation. While these terms are important for identifying serious issues, their overuse in everyday situations can sometimes dilute their meaning. In today’s fast-paced, social media-driven culture, recognizing manipulative tactics is more crucial than ever. 

As romantic relationships evolve alongside technology, understanding the warning signs of emotional manipulation is essential for maintaining balance, trust, and mutual respect. Beware of love bombing – it is not about genuine affection. It is a calculated strategy where one partner overwhelms the other with excessive attention, compliments, and grand gestures, all to gain control. Don’t be fooled by the facade; real love is about mutual respect, not manipulation.

About the Author : Reena Rahman is a writer and aviation expert.