You scroll through your phone. Someone bought their dream house when they were 27. Someone else just started their own company. A friend you know is backpacking across Asia, posting sunset selfies from mountain tops. Meanwhile you just sat on your sofa with a cup of tea or coffee wondering if you’re falling behind or worse, if you’re just ordinary.

Many of us carry a quiet worry, though we rarely say it aloud: What if I’m not special? In a world that celebrates such success stories, achievements, and personal branding, the idea of simply living an average, decent life can feel uncomfortable – and that is strange.

But, where does this fear come from? And why does it affect many of us?

Let’s explore this through two powerful lenses: the psychosocial, which examines how society shapes our inner world, and the psychoanalytical, which delves into our unconscious thoughts, emotions, and desires.

The “Extraordinary” Trap

Modern life constantly tells us to be different. Be the best. Be seen. From school report cards to social media feeds, we’re taught to measure success by visibility and status. This creates what psychologists refer to as a “performance identity” where how we appear to others feels more important than how we actually feel.

This is partly a social phenomenon. According to Erik Erikson, a renowned psychosocial theorist, young adults especially are in the process of forming their identity, figuring out what matters to them and where they fit in. But in today’s world, that identity is being shaped in the blaze of public opinion. Likes, followers and personal brands are replacing quieter, more reflective ways of self-discovery.

Take, for example, a teenager named Ann who loves painting. Initially, she paints for fun, enjoying the solitude of her sketchbook. But one day, she starts posting her art on Instagram. Her first post gets lots of likes and praise. Encouraged, she continues. Over time, she notices that her posts with bright, trendy pieces attract more attention, while her personal or experimental pieces don’t get as much love.

Gradually, Ann begins changing what she paints: not because she wants to, but because she knows what will get the most likes. She starts thinking more about what others will think rather than what she enjoys. Her identity as an artist becomes shaped by what people expect from her, rather than by her self-discovery.

So, being “ordinary” which once meant stable or content, now feels like being invisible or left behind.

The Hidden Fear Beneath the Surface

On a deeper level, psychoanalysis offers other outlooks. Our fear of being ordinary may not be about society alone, it’s also about what’s going on inside.

According to Freud and other psychoanalysts, we all carry internal beliefs and emotions that aren’t always visible. One of Freud’s key ideas is the “superego”, which is the part of us that acts like an inner judge often reflecting on the expectations we picked from parents, teachers and culture. The superego tells us things like “you should do more” or “you should be the best” and it can be very difficult to ignore.

When we feel ordinary, this inner voice can become louder, feeding us the idea that being average means being unworthy. We start to believe that if we don’t stand out, we don’t matter. When we feel this way, we need to dig a little deeper and there’s often something more personal: the need to be valued, to be seen, to be loved. Many psychologists suggest that the desire to be special is often a way of coping with earlier experiences where we didn’t feel truly noticed or emotionally supported. Striving to be outstanding becomes a way of proving to ourselves and others that we are, in fact, enough.

Modern Culture and the Need to Stand Out

We live in a world that’s constantly telling us to upgrade, improve and chase for more. The idea of success has become intertwined with constant growth and visibility. Jobs are no longer just jobs; they’re a part of your brand. Hobbies have become your content. Even what you test out, has to be productive.

This creates a fine but powerful pressure, if you’re not rising, you’re falling. If you’re not extraordinary, you’re irrelevant.

In such a world, choosing a quiet, contented life – working a steady job, enjoying family or close friendships, finding meaning in the everyday – can feel outdated or even inadequate. But is it?

The Power of Ordinary

What if being ordinary is a strength?

Psychosocial studies shows that people who feel socially connected have a sense of purpose and live within their values, tend to be mentally healthier. This doesn’t require fame, wealth, or a curated highlight reel. It requires authenticity, emotional resilience, and meaningful relationships.

From a psychoanalytical perspective, accepting our ordinary self is also part of growing emotionally. Carl Jung, a key figure in analytical psychology, spoke about the idea of “individuation”, the process of becoming whole by integrating all parts of ourselves, not just the polished or successful ones.

That means welcoming the simple, imperfect very human parts of who we are.

When we make peace with not having to impress, outperform or constantly achieve, we make space for deeper joy. We build lives that reflect who we are, not who we think we should be.

So, what can we do?

Here are a few suggestions that might help:

• Redefine what success means to you: Ask yourself, do you want to be noticed or is it about finding peace, connection and fulfilment?
• Pay Attention to your inner voice: If your inner self constantly demands more, take a moment to question its origins – whose expectations are you still speaking to?
• Allow yourself to be seen in the ordinary moments: Real connection happens when we show up as ourselves, not when we’re trying to impress others.
• Stop comparing yourself: Social media often presents a showcased version of people’s lives, not the real world; remember, life is not a competition and there is no one size fits all approach to living it.
• Be yourself: You are perfect just the way the way you are; so stop chasing perfection, as it is a tool for improvement and not for self-destruction.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I would say that being real is not about being ordinary; it is the quiet conviction we carry within, shaped by the belief that we are somehow not permitted to be ourselves.

Every life has a value, whether it’s lived on a global stage or in a quiet corner of the world. Sometimes it’s the simplest things, a shared laugh, a good book or a long walk that find the most meaning.

You don’t have to be exceptional to be enough. You don’t have to be beautiful because you already are perfect just the way you are.

Be human… Be ordinary.