Have you ever sat alone with a big dream in your heart, a business you’d love to start, a move to another country, a book you long to write and felt excited for a moment, before immediately talking yourself out of it? If so, you’re not alone.

Many of us don’t struggle with having goals. We struggle with believing we’re allowed to reach them. Sometimes, we even stop ourselves without realising why. It’s not always laziness or lack of motivation – sometimes, it’s fear. And not just the fear of failure. Strangely, we can be just as frightened of success.

It seems odd, doesn’t it? Why would anyone be scared of the very thing they want most?

To truly comprehend this, we must delve deeper, beyond the surface-level hesitation, into the realm of psychosocial influences and self-identity.

Success Means Change and Change Is Uncomfortable

Let’s start with something simple: real success brings change. Whether it’s moving into a new job, stepping into leadership, or building something meaningful from scratch – it means stepping out of what’s familiar.

Humans are creatures of habit. Even when we’re unhappy, we often cling to what’s known. It’s why someone might stay in a job they dislike for years, or why a person who’s always wanted to travel never books the flight. Familiarity feels safe.

Success, on the other hand, means the unknown – and the unknown can feel terrifying.

For example, the case of Sophie, a primary school teacher who’s always dreamt of opening a  fancy children’s bookshop. She has a solid plan, some savings, and years of experience. But every time she gets close to starting, a little voice whispers, “What if you can’t handle it? What if people laugh at you? What if it works and you have to live a different life?”

This fear of success isn’t about the shop failing – it’s about the shop working. Because if it works, Sophie’s entire world shifts. Her identity changes. Her routine changes. Her relationship with herself changes.

The Weight of Expectations

Success often brings attention, responsibilities and expectations that are higher to what we see that are not just from others but from Ourselves too.

Imagine someone who’s always been known as “the quiet one” in their family. They start writing online, and suddenly, thousands of people are reading their work. When it appears, it’s amazing. But internally? It can cause panic. The person starts thinking “Am I allowed to be seen like this? What if I disappoint everyone? What if I can’t keep it up?”

There’s a psychological term for this, called self-sabotage. It occurs when we unconsciously undermine our own progress because the emotional discomfort of success feels too great. This isn’t because we’re weak or ungrateful. It’s often because success clashes with how we see ourselves or how we think we’re supposed to be.

The Stories We Inherit

A big part of why we fear success comes from the messages we absorb growing up – from family, culture, school, and society.

For example: If you grew up hearing that “rich people are selfish,” you might resist wealth, even if you’re striving for financial freedom. If your parents taught you to “keep your head down and not show off,” you might feel guilt or shame when your work is recognised.

These early beliefs shape our view of the world. And unless we question them, we carry them like invisible baggage. So, even as adults, we might subconsciously shrink ourselves, not because we lack ambition, but because we don’t want to break the unspoken rules we grew up with.

What Can We Do?

If any of this resonates with you, you’re not broken. You’re human. And you’re probably standing right at the edge of something important.

Here are a few ways to move through the fear:

1. Acknowledge it: Don’t pretend it’s not there. Say to yourself, “I’m afraid of what this might mean, and that’s okay.” Fear is information, not failure.
2. Question your beliefs: Ask “Whose voice is this? Where did I learn that I’m not supposed to succeed?” Often, you’ll find it’s an old voice – not your own.
3. Start small: You don’t have to jump into the deep end. Write the first chapter. Register the domain. Send the email. Let your brain build evidence that it’s safe to grow.
4. Find supportive people: Surround yourself with those who want to see you win. People who’ve been where you are and understand the emotional journey of rising. A healthy community makes all the difference.
5. Redefine success: It doesn’t have to look like a Hollywood ending. Sometimes success means being at peace. Sometimes it means feeling proud of yourself at the end of the day. Make it personal. Make it yours.

The Truth Behind

The truth is, many of us aren’t just afraid of failing – we’re afraid of what success will demand of us. Afraid of leaving behind what we know. Afraid of becoming someone new. But growth always carries a bit of discomfort. And that’s not a sign to stop – it’s a sign you’re on the right path.

You are not too much. Your dreams are not too big. And you are more than capable of becoming the version of yourself you sometimes only dare to imagine.

So next time you find yourself hesitating, ask gently: Is this fear protecting me – or holding me back from who I’m meant to become?

And then take one small, brave step forward. You never know but, you might just might surprise yourself.